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A move to a new city, remote work from home all day or a big change to social networks — your life experiences sometimes create loneliness that’s hard to shake.
But a little more investment in your community may make a big difference, said Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at the NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital.
One in 5 adults in the United States reported feeling loneliness “a lot of the day yesterday,” according to Gallup data released Tuesday.
Loneliness in the US is an epidemic, US Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy said last year. And research has shown that loneliness and isolation are linked to health concerns such as sleep problems, inflammation, depression, anxiety and a shorter lifespan.
One big problem is that after the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, many people lost opportunities to see friends, family and coworkers in person, said Dan Witters, research director of the Gallup National Health and Well-Being Index.
And although rates of loneliness are not as high now as they were during the height of the pandemic, they did go up this year, according to the Gallup research.
There are two kinds of loneliness, said Dr. Gemma Hughes, associate professor of healthcare management at the University of Leicester School of Business in the United Kingdom. Emotional isolation results from a lack of deep, emotional connection, and social isolation is the lack of social networks and daily interactions, she added. Both are important.
Building back deeper, more intimate connections may feel hard to do quickly to address your loneliness, but turning your attention to invest in your community may be one small thing you can do to help, Saltz said.
Invest in your community
Time spent with your best friend or close family is fantastic for addressing loneliness and isolation, but even a little bit more interaction during the day can help, Saltz said.
“When you run errands, chitchat. At your coffee shop say, ‘Hey, how’s your day going? Or what do you think about this new brew that they’ve got going?’” she said.
With people working and attending school from home, some of Chicago psychologist John Duffy’s patients find that they can go a whole day without interacting with another person, he said.
“Among my primary interventions over the past several years is to talk with people, face-to-face, in any given day,” Duffy said. “I find it’s most important to do so on days when my client is not inclined to engage or leave the house. They never regret those connections and interactions, however brief or inane.”
Having a pet that needs to go outside creates opportunities to exchange pleasantries with someone at the dog park or out on a walk, Saltz added.
Some of these interactions may mean redirecting your attention outward. Try keeping an eye out for opportunities to be kind to people you pass, she added.
“A lot of our separation right now has to do with people making no effort to be kind, not having that on their priority list at all,” Saltz said. “A lot of what’s torturous about social media, or even about in real life, is people being quick to be unkind, quick to be judgmental, quick to be divisive, quick to be like ‘you don’t see it the way I do.’”
And if you want nice interactions coming your way, you should give those to others, she said.
“Kindness tends to beget kindness,” Saltz said.
Engage by volunteering
If you are having trouble getting out for casual interaction, consider signing up for regular volunteering, Saltz said.
“Helping other people definitely makes you feel good,” she said. “Whether you’re lonely or not, it’s a mood booster, and it definitely is connecting with other people in addition.”
Liking what you do every day can address feelings of loneliness, so volunteering for an organization that you care about can make a big difference, according to the Gallup data.
“The evolutionary theory of loneliness suggests the loneliness acts as kind of a warning system, promoting us to go and find company, because being alone is not good for us; we are social creatures who need the company of others,” Hughes said in an email.
“Responding to that signal by engaging in volunteering or other community activities can be a way towards establishing meaningful connections.”
Combat social anxiety
For some people, bumping into strangers and exchanging a few nice words may be easy, but for others doing so can be scary. And their social anxiety may have grown worse since years of avoiding contact have left them out of practice, Duffy said.
The root of such social anxiety is self-judgment, Saltz said.
You might be afraid that you will say something stupid, embarrass yourself or get rejected, but “thoughts are just thoughts. They are not predictors of the future,” she said. “They are not statements of fact. They are not an accurate reading of the mind of the other person.”
Let those thoughts happen and then pass, said Saltz, who also recommends rehearsing a couple of lines to strike up future conversations.
“Go out feeling a little prepared,” she said. “If thoughts come up after that, remind yourself they’re just anxious thoughts.”
Even with preparation, it may be helpful to drop the expectation that interacting with people must always go perfectly, Duffy added.
“In all likelihood, they may stumble. They may say something they regret,” he said. “But the effect of these connections in aggregate makes a huge difference, and over time, helps to manage that social anxiety.”
Keep up your good habits
As you push yourself to engage more in public and work to make long-lasting friendships, it is important to ensure you are practicing good habits, Saltz said.
When you are feeling lonely, it can be harder to reach out to the relationships you already have to set up time together or talk on the phone, so make sure you do so, she added.
And social media may seem like a quick fix, but it often leaves people feeling more isolated, so try to cut down on the amount of time you spend online, Saltz said.
Your relationship with yourself also continues to be important, even when you are lonely, she said.
“When someone is struggling with loneliness, other kinds of self-care often are helpful,” she said. “Being out in nature, even by yourself, is known to boost mood, for example. Being involved in a hobby, even if it doesn’t include other people but something that engages you, is helpful for you.”
And don’t forget to get good aerobic exercise to manage stress, anxiety and depression, Saltz said.
But if your feelings of loneliness are making you sad and empty much of the day, or if they’re affecting your ability to sleep, eat and do anything fun, then Saltz recommends that you talk with a mental health professional.
Editor’s note: If you or someone you know is struggling with mental health, help is available. Dial or text 988 or visit 988lifeline.org for free and confidential support.
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